For the past few months I feel like I'm going through an identity crisis. It all started back last Summer when I got the amazing incredible opportunity to go to GIRLS CAMP (a camp for girls ages 12-18 in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. go to www.lds.org for more info). It was for a whole entire week. My husband was so amazing and took a week off work to stay with our 2 boys (ages 4 and 2). For the first time since I had kids I was able to slow down, have quiet time, ponder, think, look around, and read my scriptures for a long period of time without distractions. It sounds silly but it changed me. I came back different. My goals felt different. I had a new perspective on life. I saw these incredible young women who are such good examples to me. I wanted to be a better, stronger mother so I could raise children to be like them.
Anyway... so that began my identity crisis. I'm being dramatic calling it that. But that's what it feels like. I'm in this weird stage where I am trying to figure out exactly WHO I want to be. A lot of the things that seemed so important to me seem so frivolous and silly now. I'm still wading through all these thoughts and ideas and not really sure who that person is I want to become.
But I do know a few things for sure:
1- I want to be spiritually strong. I want to know my scriptures inside and out! My goal every day is to be SURE we have family prayer, scripture study and that my kids know I love them.
2- I want to serve. I have been served my whole life by so many. I want to take my turn and learn how to be there for others. I feel so much joy when I can do something for someone else. It doesn't come naturally for me. I have to really look for these opportunities. Sometimes they are staring me in the face and I still don't see them. But I am trying.
3- I can do hard things even when it's uncomfortable even when you feel like everyone is watching you fail miserably I CAN keep going and try my best.
4-Nobody is perfect. We should never expect ourselves or anybody else to be perfect. We have to learn to look past our own faults and the faults of others. Nobody says the right things all the time. We all slip and say something dumb, rude, or thoughtless sometimes. That's was apologies and forgiveness are for : )
***I swear every day I something that I just want to kick myself for saying. You know those comments that slip out or you didn't realize that what you were saying directly describes one of the people you are talking to. I am a little thankful when others say rude things to me unintentionally not knowing my situation. It makes me realize I'm not the only one ; )
Something funny that happened to me this week: Brody my 4 year old told me that he wants to be Mario when he grows up, then Iron Man, then an astronaut so he can touch the moon. And then he is going to be Santa Clause! It made me laugh. I'm realizing and remembering just how magical Christmas is for kids! Bring on the festivities!!
I saw this picture the other day! It reminded me I need to figure out our Christmas Card for this year!
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